How to Stop Trying to Impress – Because Needy is Creepy

February 3rd, 2015 LIKE WHAT YOU READ? SHARE IT!

Trying to impress is hard and uncertain work.  Whether or not we’re succeeding – or even registering in someone’s consciousness – is usually unknowable.

We try hard to impress when we need something – approval, validation, a job, a date, a client.  As super coaches Rich Litvin and Steve Chandler say, ‘Needy is creepy.  But only always.’

Being our best selves is not about trying so hard to match an ideal.  It’s not a “Look at me, look at me” enterprise.  It’s not about busting our chops to demonstrate how clever, witty and talented we are.  These actions always have a whiff of fakeness (and desperation)…

Our best selves fly when we come from a place of service.  When we stop trying to impress and focus instead on making a difference, something shifts.  We’re empowered.  We’re gorgeously authentic.

Try this 3-step practice next time you find yourself trying too hard:

Notice that you’re feeling worried.  Worry is usually a smokescreen for fear.  That can make us over-egg our behaviour in hopes of influencing an outcome.  The first step is simple: just notice that you’re worrying.

Come Back to the Present.  Worry is a reaction to a possible outcome.  Note the word possible.  Worry lives in the past (where we’ve had a bad or unpleasant outcome); or in the future (where that outcome might get replicated).  Ping-ponging between past and future is an energy suck.  It doesn’t allow you to focus fully on the beautiful moment that you’re creating.  It’s like constantly flicking through open tabs.  Close the tabs.  Be here now.

Be Chauffered by Love.  The driver for trying too hard is fear.  So change your driver to love.  Trust in your best self, the one that is imperfect and marvelous just as you are, without the hype.  When self-love and acceptance are the engines pulling your behaviour, you shift from reacting to creating.  That guarantees a more authentic you – and a better outcome.  But only always…

 

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“Transformational, life-enhancing stuff.” Joanna Chin, COO, Langland