How was your day? is the greeting. What follows — the homework, the essay, the spelling test — is the audit. Most of us never hear ourselves make the switch. Now the research that stopped me mid-sentence: kids raised in high-achieving environments now sit on the same mental-health risk list as kids growing up with poverty and trauma. The tutors, the top schools, the 6am swim squad — same list. Not because of the schools. Because of one specific thing that loving, well-intended parents do without noticing. Yes, I’ve done it. Probably this week.

My guest is Dr Tara Porter, clinical psychologist and author of Good Enough — she’s spent nearly thirty years in the therapy room with the kids from these families, and with the perfectionist adults they grow into. Which is where you come in. Because this is not a parenting-tips episode. Listen for the double mirror: the kid you were — the one who learned that gold stars meant being loved — and the parent, boss, or relentless self-optimiser you became. Same wiring. Both mirrors.

Also in here: the well-meaning phrases to retire (“we’re only pushing you because we believe in you” — I know, I know), the figure skater who quit, came back on her own terms, and won Olympic gold, why your terrifyingly good time management was never the problem, and the story of the toothbrushes. You’ll see.

 

 

Links:
Dr Tara Porter’s website and books: taraporterpsychologist.com
Good Enough and You Don’t Understand Me — wherever books are sold
Instagram: @mandylehto and @drtaraporterpsychologist