Grabbing – for validation, good-enoughness, accolades, progress – usually happens when things are slow, or stalling. Our instinct is to grab. It feels like self-preservation.
There’s a fear that without grabbing, we’ll miss out. Be left behind. Guard the turf. Elbows out, like waiting for the opening bell of the Boxing Day jumble sale.
Grabbing has an energy. It has the whiff of desperation. I worked so hard, and no one acknowledged me. No one said thank you. I feel short-changed. Unappreciated. Insignificant. Small.
No, it wouldn’t kill someone to say ‘thanks’ or ‘that was great!’ Gratitude is a beautiful thing. It’s the needing of it that complicates things.
More faith. Less expectation.
It’s precisely when we don’t feel the love from outside of ourselves that we need to have a little faith. Stop checking incessantly for how many people ‘liked’ your latest creation. Stop waiting for your boss to say you’re indispensable. Stop equating your number of Twitter followers with how good you are.
Instead, breathe. Sit with the discomfort of admitting that you’re winging it. (We’re all winging it).
Maybe create a little ritual for those moments when the grabbies set in. Rituals are a signal to use another mode of being. They can snap us out of a broken-record moment, skipping over the ‘woe-be-mine’ track in our brains.
Try this: After a few clearing deep breaths, ask yourself, ‘When I grab, what am I looking for?’
It’s often about acknowledgment. Are you recognizing my talents? My contribution?
Ask yourself again, ‘What am I really looking for?’ Maybe the answer is the same; maybe it’s something else. It might be about being enough. What if no one acknowledges/validates what I’ve created? Am I enough then?
The healing and playful part is learning to start giving it to yourself, there and then.
I want a high-five for a great blog. Do it! Well done me!
I want to be appreciated for my role in the project – out loud. Say it: I did a kick-ass job! (This could be fun in the office).
I want a hug. So go on, I’ll wait. Your arms are long enough.
The part in which you smile right about now is where the alchemy happens. Let go of the grabbies. What you seek is within.
Hugs, high-fives, Facebook likes, acknowledgment from your colleagues – they’re all fabulous.
They just feel so much better when you first believe it yourself.