Ever run yourself ragged hosting a party, and yet DECLINED offers of help (while seething silently)?
Or maybe you agreed to watch a friend’s gaggle of unruly kids for the weekend (while your own bandwidth and energy were already non-existent), and yet declined her offer to reciprocate next weekend.
You have a huge portal for giving, and a teeny pinhole for receiving.
And if so, what the heck is going on there?
Today’s guest, April Boyd, a psychotherapist, says not receiving can be a way of protecting yourself in relationships.
After a traumatic event in her own life, April learned that receiving help – and even more, ASKING for it – was riddled with complexity.
She says it’s vulnerable to receive. Asking for help is even more of a challenge. And yet, declining it blocks connection.
If you regularly utter, “No, it’s fine, I’ve got this,” this episode will help you get better at saying, “Thank you, that would be really great.”
- Why receiving feels risky
- How to determine if you want to receive help from this person
- How to ask for what you want (without getting all cringey and awkward)
- Noticing your auto-response to offers of support
- Self-Check: How often do YOU give when you don’t actually have the bandwidth? HINT: This matters!
- The role of shame in receiving
Ready to receive more (and seethe less)?
Links and Resources
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Quotes by April Boyd:
“One of the things that makes receiving so much harder than giving is it’s actually a really vulnerable place to be.”
“We have this culture that really encourages us to wear that badge of honor of being so independent and not needing anyone, and being able to do it all. That’s a myth.”
“How often do you say ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’?”
“Recognize that the guilt is just often a built-in part of this process.”